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Frost

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brewing [13 May 2006|08:19pm]
tonight im just gonna cry. why? dunno i just wanted to. i havent cried from the depths of my soul. tonight, i will. i need to let this dread feeling out. i need to cry and let it out. i must...

"we'll never be apart"
"just stay for a while"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve8DtvBhMIg&search=X-Men%20The%20Last%20Stand%20Hugh%20Jackman%20Halle%20Berry%20TV%20Spot
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miracle... [09 May 2006|09:48pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Simple Plan - Perfect World

I never could have seen this far
I never could have seen this coming
It seems like my world is falling apart
Yeah

Why is everything so hard
I don’t think that I can deal with the things you said
They just won’t go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through
Yeah

I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way
Yeah
Without you I just can’t find my way

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all

I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when your not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can’t let you go
Yeah Yeah

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you this means nothing
Nothing at all

You feel nothing
Nothing at all
Nothing at all


i love the lyrics, especially that line, "i used to think i was strong" now these days i dont know anymore. its just too much you know. yeah. i really need a miracle. i dont want to give up. i hate that feeling. moving on? its not right. i have to try.

gonna cut my hair. tired of just...fuck it. tired of it.
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
mask...the doctor is in... riiiighttt... o.0
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
big bad indian... riiiighttt...

....

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worth trying for [30 Apr 2006|02:31pm]
[ mood | determined ]

there's this girl i have been in love with since i first laid my eyes on. i havent been able to stop thinking. i know i love her and yet i never really tried. i dont care if she reads this or not. i just wanna try. im tired of giving in so easy. i wanna try. some things are worth trying, why cant it be this one? i wanna write the longest entry i want to but not right now cuz i have to go back to the reserve for a few days. next time while i think what to say. try.

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Eastern Conference 1st Rd Playoffs Predictions [27 Apr 2006|08:18pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Eastern Conference First Round
Playoffs Predictions

1. Ottawa Senators VS 8. Tampa Bay Lightning
Ottawa Senators In 5 Games

2. Carolina Hurricanes VS 7. Montreal Canadiens
Montreal Canadiens In 6 Games

3. New Jersey Devils VS 6. New York Rangers
New York Rangers In 7 Games

4. Buffalo Sabres VS 5. Philadelphia Flyers
Philadelphia Flyers In 7 Games

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Western Conference 1st Rd Playoffs Predictions [27 Apr 2006|08:17pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]

Western Conference First Round
Playoffs Predictions


1. Detroit Red Wings VS 8. Edmonton Oilers
Edmonton Oilers In 6 Games

2. Dallas Stars VS 7. Colorado Avalanche
Dallas Stars In 5 Games

3. Calgary Flames VS 6. Anahiem Mighty Ducks
Calgary Flames In 6 Games

4. Nashville Predators VS 5. San Jose Sharks
San Jose Sharks In 5 Games

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things i forgot.... [27 Apr 2006|08:15pm]
[ mood | blah ]

April 8: hanged out with ian. the only one for that matter. played a computer game called world of warcraft. he finally got me online in that game. damn him! got me addicted! :P nah been waiting to play since it came out. so since no one was gonna join us afterwards, we ended up playing some more. i dropped off my bag cuz i forgot his birthday card. gave him his birthday card. he read it well driving! reminds of that time with jon's friend that changed into her skirt while DRVING! yeah. carwreck is what that is. so we went for drinks at the king's head. didnt end up drinking cuz well ian was driving. so i didnt buy him a drink. oh well, maybe next get-together. maybe get him drunk too if possible!

April 14: had a discussion on messenger. with the guys, ian and Just. deciding which movie and theatre to go to. going back and forth on the issue. towne 8 or cinema city on kenaston. inside man or lucky number sleiven or bloodrayne or brokeback mountain (ian's idea btw). then more opinions were involved when we couldnt decide on the issue. those opinions were chantal's, brittany's, rhea's, jono's and matt's. even though matt and jono didnt reply. so the issue was solved. we were all headin to chantal's place to play some games on the xbox and ps2. and a movie or two if possible. rhea couldnt come cuz she wasnt in the city. Ian came and picked me up and then we went and picked up Just and headed to Chan's. Arrived and no brit. Chan and Just went and got brit. so ian and i played chess with ki while they left. they returned and ian set up the systems. just and i played some hackey sack while we waited and brit watched. while waiting, we heard some "banging". turns out it was just ian hammering. yeah. anyways, we watch on his projector on a white sheet cuz there's no white wall. ian ordered some pizza from pizza hut (also known as pizza slut too). and ended up watching jackass the movie cuz ian wanted to show us something funny. so after the pizzas arrived, jono arrived 5 mins later. it was a surprise. he actually read the conversation on messenger. so once the movie was done. we played guitar hero. lmao. after that, bomberman, then circus maximus. ahhh, the foul language of today. such language from jono, brittany and just. ian thinks his class is full of pervs. thats funny. well the time reached 2am and jono and brit left with jono giving brit a ride home cuz brit has a curfew.... o.0 she lives in residence....what curfew??? anyways after that, me, just, ian and chan played winning eleven 8. some soccer! it was ian and chan vs just and me. they took the first game in a shootout. we took the second game in a shootout. best of 3. final game. we win on a final score of 4 to NOTHING!!!! hahahaha! it was an actually good night though. i enjoyed that time. i needed that. it was good to spend time like that. ahh memories....Jono telling the audience in Guitar hero to fuck off bitches cuz he was a star. lmao. Brittany screaming every profanity at me and just cuz Just couldnt drive and me cuz i kept killing them while racing. rofl. Just yelling fuck everytime he killed himself in bomberman. lol. Chan saying shit everytime she made an error in soccer. ahhh....such foul-mouthed gamers!!! next time we should have a tournament! lol! yeah sure we will. too bad we didnt play halo....ahhh halo.

i hope there is another time.

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april 8-12 [27 Apr 2006|08:11pm]
well last friday, i spent the day with my grandmother. went shopping with her. like all grandmothers, they want to buy u stuff. so she did. made my grandmother laugh all day when she wanted to buy a new jacket. granted, i dont want a jacket but you know, grandma's tend to get a little over-zealous when wanting to buy things for their grandkids. so i tried one on. it looked like it fit. now when i say it looked like it fit, it looked like it fit me well but the truth was it didnt. she was happy and said it fitted! i told her it didnt. she was confused. she looked at me and said it fitted. i look at her and said it doesnt fit. then she bugged me about just because it wasnt a designer name or brand. now either way she took it personal until i told her that it didnt fit and turned around. she laughed hysterically. i looked at her and told her, see it doesnt fit. she kept laughing and i just smiled at her. i knew she was gonna blab about this i knew it. it looked like it fitted but it didnt. the front part look ok, the back on the other hand well....lets just say it covered my shoulder blades pretty well. after shopping we went back to the hotel and eat. i stayed until we went to the aboriginal funeral home to see the body. it was finally released. i saw him. i finally saw him. saw my grandfather in that casket and then i went to see my other grandmother and kissed her. my grandmother's last living brother....now gone. my grandfather. he was a massive of a man. bigger than me, he had big hands, tall as me but not as wide as me but the only man i knew that was bigger than me. once the funeral was over, my grandmother then went on to tell the story of the jacket fit. humilating me in front of my aunts and uncles and cousins who would listen to her. it made everyone laugh. good thing i can bring a smile to my family. even if its at my expense. :P after we went back to the hotel she was staying and stayed with her til the next day. saturday, she and the rest of the family went home back to the reservation. to take the body back to the reserve, for the reserve funeral.


i went home on sunday for the funeral. missed my first flight cuz well..i forgot to turn on the timer. yeah, anyways went there and see if i could get on the second flight. which i didnt, didnt get confirmed until the 6pm flight. surprised that there was a 6pm flight cuz there usually isnt one. so i checked my bag and wasted some time. went back at exactly 5.45 cuz well...i do that. so 6pm strolls on by and....keeps fuckin strolling. they call a flight number by behold, its not mine. so im waiting an hour later....3....count'em THREE flight numbers are called and not one was mine. so they finally do call it and its 7. freakin perimeter. i hat yah! anyways i finally arrive....home. its a 8.15. i call my grand's and no one is home. great....i gotta walk across the ice and then walk home. [oh i live on an island btw and the airport is on another island] what the??? my bag got there before i did. at least it arrived unlike 2 springs ago. so yeah i collect my bag and start walkin and who do i see? my mom and donald??? she asked him if he could come and get me. cool. so i have a ride. he drives us home and i ask them if its true about what happened on thurs. the day he died. and they told me it was true. i was so angry. i cant believed that they actually did that. that was nothing more than disrespect. i cant believe she did it though. i knew she was capable but to actually do that. disrespectful. so don drops us off at our house. havent seen don since last summer, it was good to see him again. i ate before we head to me-cell's house for the wake. i didnt cry much when i got there, i was already cried out from a couple days before. met my cousins who i havent seen grow up in over....what since i went to cranberry in 98? that long huh? yeah. so yeah, after staying there for a couple of hours and my family decide to go home. my parents and little sisters and i go home. but before we do go, what happens to before we found a ride??? i slip on some mud and fall on my back. the first that happens to me when i get there and its a mud fall. the reserve....yeah. very muddy....i mean my grandma bought me new shoes before i left and look at them now, they dont look new. so yeah....entertaining. yeah..whatever brings a smile, thats me. my mom tells me the funeral is the next day. i was surprised. i asked why? she said it takes 2 days. i said no, it takes 3 days, once the funeral takes place in wpg then we have a wake for 2 days and then the next day, the funeral. i asked why they would rush it? she didnt know but the funeral was the next day. i was glad i got the plane that day even if it was at 7pm. i asked my baby sister when she wanted me to go back to wpg. tuesday or wednesday? now i knew she would say wed cuz she always wants me to stay longer than i should. so she said wed and that was that.

next day we had the funeral. it's a sight i hope to never see again. two funerals under the same church. two elders had past on. yeah, i hope i dont. so, once mass was done, the casket had to carried out of the church. im glad i was one of the pallbearers. i helped carried him out. an honour i will always cherish. after we carry him out and put him into the back of the truck to be taken to the graveyard. i see my cousin and friends. i join them. we talk and have some laughs. native humour....it keeps us going and something people outside of the reserve will never understand. i head to the graveyard with them. we reach it and wait. the truck went around to the other side. the other side is a mud hill and i see them having trouble and we went and helped carry it up the hill nearly tripping because of the mud. we finally get him up and anchor the casket in. once the father was done with the prayer, we start to bury him. it just...gets me you know. it does. once we were done, something happened. it was....wow. once the grave was funished, the sun came out. it brought a smile i just couldnt hide even if i could i didnt want too! after the funeral, i helped out with my grandmother and her older sister. they went to the feast at the complex which hadnt started. they wanted to wait and said i could come back later. so i agreed and went to go visit my best friend, cody. who was in a umm...."pickle" with his wife. we went for a walk and talk some shit. i miss hanging out with him. and my other friends as well....except they're all married and having kids....well not all of them but 90% of them is all! after the walk he joins me to check on my grandmothers. the feast hasnt started yet. and they're stilling sitting there waiting and talking to another family member. i told her i'll wait and they said ok. i go outside with my bud and talk some more. we ended up talkin about old game systems and games that we used to play. i havent smiled so much in quite awhile. then our other buddy came, poopsie!!! he joined the conv and talked about pong! now thats old school! oh man it was great to talk to those guys. i miss those days. so cody leaves to talk to his wife and settle things and i stay and help out with the preparations for the feast. after i finish, my grandmothers leave cuz my aunts came to pick them and wait with their sister-in-law while they wait on the food. so yeah from 4 in the afternoon, the feast didnt start until 10.15 that night. yeah that long. anyways it was a good feast when we went back. spent most of the day helping my grandmothers, they even both made jokes at the feast which were a hit btw. played a quick bingo as things were wrapping up. my grandma won. and i needed one number. oh well! spent the night at my grandparents. they wanted me there. so i stayed. and thats that.

The next day i watched tv and talked to my grandparents and then walked home. walked an hour cuz thats how long it took to get there. watched vhs movies with my little sisters cuz someone stole the dvd player. another problem on the rez. mostly hanged with my little sisters that night. helped them with their pokemon game. getting their stats up..again! mostly it until that night that is. the band constables came to inform us of my brothers and their misdeeds. one of them was tryin to escape the band constables and went through the ice. idiot!!! he's ok now. if i ever get my hands on him....yeah. the other well didnt do anything stupid other than try to fight anyone. moron!! yeah. nice to know my brothers and sister are not fucking things up. why? i dont know. yeah. no more about them.

next day, i packed and hugged my little sisters and left for the airport. since my aunt couldnt drive across the ice cuz she doesnt have 4x4, i had to walk. good thing someone gave me a ride. good thing, cuz i dont think i could have caught the flight on-time. and i made it back to wpg. thats that!

yeah, thats it.
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long time.... [26 Mar 2006|07:58pm]
well its been what? over a month?? well what can i say? my dad had a heart attack at the end of feb. then had to have surgery. looked after my siblings when they were here and my grandparents as well. yeah it was sort of nice that the family was actually almost together. school is....school is screwed up right now. just taking a toll on my mind and im actually letting it happen. yeah....fuck!
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The Week of Feb 20-25 [19 Feb 2006|08:50pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

Monday: Drama class resumes. Reading week...pfft. Call it like it is, Spring Break. anyways, i always look forward to drama on monday mornings. yes mornings. even though im nocturnal. and my classmates have to do their scenes while just and me already did our before the break. oh ye!

Tuesday: The Birthday Massacre Concert at the West End Cultural Centre. Hopefully i'll be able to go and see them.

Wednesday:

Thursday: Mid-terms. fuck! 8.30 mid-term....like im gonna be ready that. hopefully not two mid-terms this day. i hope not.

Friday: Class Party. why i like the drama class. the parties and get-together.

Saturday: Board Game Get-Together. what? i play board games.

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valentine's day [13 Feb 2006|09:05pm]
[ mood | blah ]

oh valentine's day, oh how i loathe thee, let me count the ways....

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drama ent [10 Feb 2006|08:49pm]
well, lets first start off that i was in a bad mood the day before class because apparently we werent suppose to be gettin marked on monday but the next class we have after reading week. reading week....pfft. anyways, after much debate with my prof, i talked to my partner just and we decided to go ahead and do it anyways cuz well, we were prepared unlike the rest of our classmates. we worked out asses off cuz we met everyday from monday to thursday and practised. hell even missed some assignments and classes just so we could meet and work together. so we did our scene and it was going fine until the end when just forgot the piece of paper he was suppose to hand to me and it screwed me up but it didnt matter cuz we still got a really good mark. which is pretty much what we were looking for. we were suppose to be the only ones to perform our scenes but apparently we inspired rhea and chava to do their scene as well. their scene was also really good. it was funny after they had did their scene, once ian and mel had graded them, she was excited and that she was gonna go to subway to celebrate. we all laughed and it was fun. once she had said that, the class decided to go to subway after class and eat before we left for our week long break. hell even ian bought the ones who did their scenes lunch well except for just cuz he bought his earlier than with us. once the two scenes were done, the rest of the class practised with their partners and that was the class before break. yeah.
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b-day [10 Feb 2006|12:02pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

whoo-o! its my damn freakin birthday! fuckin day!

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drama ent [01 Feb 2006|10:06pm]
we got together for class and once again we got together with our partner and practise our scene work. with one week before the grading, ian talked to us about performance and made a comment of how which ones he knows are practising and who isnt. throughout the class, my partner and i found a nice giant room which no one was using. which we planned our scene and how it would work and the positioning of the props we are gonna use. as we plan our scene, movements and timing, we got the handle of our scene and work. next class before "reading week", we do our scene and get graded. hopefully i'll have my lines memorized and have no problems. bah! yeah.
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drama ent [28 Jan 2006|10:00pm]
all we did was get together with our partner after the usually stretches. well the only thing we did before that was we talked about the election and we were suppose to watch our prof on tv and wait for a signal from him. he was gonna pick his nose. apparently he did and i wish i had seen it. yeah throughout class we got with our partner and looked at books to see what scene we were gonnna do which we are to be graded on. yeah. so we "practised" during class. most of the time everyone was just talking to each other.
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drama ent [22 Jan 2006|07:33pm]
well before class started, laura invited us to her birthday party. we started off with the usual stretching and vocal exercises. after that we did zip, zap and boink. where we zip to pass left or right, zap to pass across and boink to reject the pass. so after that, ian changed the concept of zip, zap and boink. instead of using zip, zap or boink we had to act out a action and pass it. saw rhea move. no comment. anyways after that ian changed it again this time we had to do an action but we had to make a sound. saw her move again. no comment. it was fun. after that, we did some scene work where we are on a bus and we had to act on the bus. yeah it was fun. after that, we did a class act where we all had to take turns giving each other emotions to act out. man it was great and fun. damn that jono. yeah. anyways after that we finished it off with us acting out characters the class made. we created 4 characters on the board which was really crappy to tell you the truth. in the end it was jono and rhea....them again. they did two of the characters on the board and it was good. that was class, in the end, everyone was talking, didnt know the location of the party until late in the day and didnt even know there was a class luncheon with ian. yeah everyone was talking. had to choose a new partner for the scene work. class tom.
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stroke [11 Jan 2006|10:42pm]
[ mood | worried ]

my mom suffered a mild stroke last wednesday. i cried when i heard that. had to call my grandmother on what the situation was when no one answered the phone last wed. went looking for her when my koo-kim told me they sent her out on the medivac plane. i was worried and determined to find her. so i had to find the old man who was here for a medical appt and i knew if she was sent to the city, he would know immediately where my mom was. i went to ekota and turns out they had let her go cuz she was now fine. she was sending her home and she was at the airport with the old man. i immediately left for the airport. it was 2pm. i had time before the plane left. i made it to the airport with 45 mins to spare. as i got off the bus, i headed to the check-in counter at perimeter airlines when i saw my folks. i saw my mother. i wanted to cry. i really wanted to cry so much. even right now, i want to cry. but i didnt. i wanted to start crying so hard and i wanted to hug her and put my head on her shoulder and just cry....i didnt. i love my mother. i cant bear the old man. without her i know i cant stand him. she is the peacemaker in the family and im the enforcer. i know if my mother died, the old man would resort to this old ways and start drinking and that would be the end of him. i would have to force to stop. i know i would have to quit school to make sure he didnt do anything stupid. i know my little sisters couldnt take the loss of both parents. i would go back to the reservation and look after my little sisters. no matter what was going on with my life here in the city. its my job to look after my sisters. my family would crumble with the loss of my mother. i have to do my best and i must survive. how fucked up i must be that i imagined the death of my mother and then the result of what might happen if she was gone. i thought of that. my mother had died from the stroke. my....father drinking to end the pain he feels with the loss of my mother and he dies from drinking too much and im left to go home and look after my sisters. cuz i dont trust my sister and my brothers to do the right thing. i always do that, i imagine things, im probably the only one whe imagines that the plane is going down and imagine what would happen if i died or survived. i dont want her to die. i want her to see my future wife. i want her to see my wedding. i want her to see her grandchildren and play with them. spoil them. ....yeah.

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drama ent [11 Jan 2006|10:24pm]
when to class on time for a change. actually now that i have my own place, yeah i can pretty much do that. we started off with the circle where we talked about anything and since we were coming back from the break, everyone talked about their vacations. once everyone had their chance to talk, we did the usual strench and vocal practise. we did the "i love you" except we had to say it as i love oranges this time. did short stories, well at least that was the idea except the ones who were chosen kept making the stories longer. juice and i wanted to go next but ian kept chosing other mates instead. we wanted to volunteer. oh well. after that, ian wanted a different approach and since the election was coming up, we all played political leaders and held an voting forum. it was funny. towards the end, we all went into groups of three and had to chose a leader. my group chose me and we acted out our part where the other two were vying for a special gift that i would grant them. i was Ra the Sun God. it was fun. killed matt because he questioned my god-hood and gave eternal life to rachel. fun. that was drama, our first class back.
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sign.... [17 Dec 2005|11:08pm]
[ mood | okay ]

heading to the reservation tom....gone for 2 weeks, see ya next year, 2006!

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one day.... [13 Dec 2005|10:33pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

one day, i hope to meet the girl of my dreams. i hope to fall in love with her. i hope to make her smile the way she will make me smile. i hope to see her tears of joy when i tell her, i love her. i hope to propose to her. one day i hope to get married, i hope to have a son and a daughter. i hope to hold them in my arms. i hope to see them on the first day of their birth. i hope to see them smile for the very first time. i hope to see them laugh for the first time. i hope to see their tears as well. i hope to see them walk for the first time. i hope to see them sleep in their beds. i hope to kiss them on their cheeks. one day, i hope to tell them i love them very much and that they make the world seem perfect. i hope they will make me worry because without them the world isn’t that much tolerable. i hope to see them grow up with my very eyes. i hope to see them achieve their dreams. one day i hope to grow old with my wife and have grandchildren. i hope to see my kids get married. i hope they have children for us to see. i hope to grow old and live a happy life. i hope to see all of this one day. i hope for one day is all it will take for it to happen. one day for me to hope for all of this to happen. i hope….

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i did it.... [05 Dec 2005|09:24pm]
i actually did it....i found an apartment for january....
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